TikTok’s Dark Days and the Bright Side of Going IRL
This year, we're going back to the basics with good ol' human connection.
If there’s one thing for sure, it’s that we’re all craving human connection. Social media has consumed our lives so much that over the weekend, I saw people going absolutely crazy online, not knowing what to do with themselves because TikTok had gone dark in the U.S. One Instagram reel in particular that was very weird to me was of a guy standing in front of a waterfall saying that he was about to jump off of the cliff because of the TikTok ban. Now, I’m pretty sure that his post was just for engagement, but the fact that he would make a post about offing himself because an app was banned was disturbing, yet a sign of the times.
As a millennial, I have been chronically online since I was about 13 years old. It started off with Black Planet (wow, so long ago) and AIM and then moved to MySpace, Facebook, and Twitter. I may be aging myself here, but during my senior year of college, Instagram dropped. I remember when IG was only for iPhones. I also remember the day when they let Androids download the app—I refreshed my app to a bunch of new followers (all Android users, of course). I didn’t think much of Instagram at the time. It was a cool way for me to share photos and go on about my day. I wasn’t concerned about an algorithm, curating the perfect feed, or my follower count. However, it wasn’t long until I found myself scrolling for hours, finding new accounts, and seeing how celebs lived—we suddenly had access to everything. The world became very small, and Instagram was the last thing I looked at before I shut my eyes at night and the first app I opened when I woke up.
The constant dopamine hit of posting a photo and getting immediate validation had us screwed from day 1. Then came TikTok. A lot of us, especially millennials, ignored TikTok at first, deeming it an app for kids to dance on. Then, mostly because of the global pandemic that had everyone stuck inside, social media had a renaissance. Creators who didn’t have luck growing on Instagram were suddenly finding fame on this new app.
TikTok felt like a safe space for many, where they could create videos without feeling self-conscious about how they looked. It was a place to be raw, unfiltered, and authentic. It was also a place to laugh, discover new recipes, listen to conspiracy theories, learn about new destinations, and so much more. But while social media has evolved, I feel like my intelligence has declined. I noticed that I was not challenging myself to think critically anymore. I wasn’t reading books or writing in my journal as much. My brain felt and still feels like mush.
At the end of 2024, I told myself that this year would be different. Instead of scrolling for hours on social media, I would go back to the basics. In addition to reading and writing more, I also wanted to be on my phone less. This means that when out with friends or in social settings, I wouldn’t use my phone as a crutch when there were silent moments at a dinner table or when I was at an event and didn’t know anyone. Social media was also making me feel a bit socially awkward, and I wanted to break away from that.
This past weekend, Lebo (my husband), Noka (my 9-month-old son), and I met up with our friend Charlotte. She suggested we go to a coffee shop in Atlanta named Stereo. When we got there, it was filled with cool millennials and Gen Zers sifting through vinyl records, reading books, talking, and drinking coffee. It was the vibe I was looking for—completely unpretentious, creative, intellectual, and cool. It felt like a community.
I had a very, what I call New York moment, where I met a stranger at a coffee shop who is also a writer, and we connected on reading, Substack, motherhood, social media, and vintage shopping. It’s a really small world because we also realized that we both knew a guy I went to high school with in North Carolina. Her partner and my partner also connected because they both make music and are photographers. It was such an incredible experience for me because usually everyone is so into their phones that we fail to look around and meet new people IRL.
It made me truly realize how great human connection is. I read a few months ago about how there is a loneliness epidemic happening in the U.S. I do think that a lot of that is because we’re all in our bubbles, thinking that social media will be the answer to making friends, connections, and career moves.
Human connection will be essential as we build community IRL.
I’m challenging myself to show up more in public places like coffee shops and bookstores and initiate conversations with strangers. You may meet your new best friend or, at the very least, feel a bit less lonely.